15. Overcoming Through Tragedy - Andrea Rittenour

Today’s guest is a mother and a business Entrepreneur. She has raised five kids and has overcome many trials in her life. The obstacles and trials have made her who she is today. She has been a cornerstone in my life, and without her, I would not be here today.

Carry the way the world on your shoulders. I was preparing lunch and it was time to get her up for feeding, but I thought I'll just wait until I get lunch. In the other seven, she hasn't woke up, and so I did. And then I went in there and she wasn't breathing. I started CPR on her. My husband called Nine one one. So we ended up with EMT coming out and then the ambulance and they took her to a local hospital. The doctor came out and said to us, Is there something you need to tell us? We're trying to revive her, but it seems like she doesn't want to come back. And of course, I was blaming myself. I thought I should have gone in there earlier to get her. I let her cry herself to sleep for a nap. I shouldn't have let her cry, and all these things are running through my head. But of course, I had no desire to share that with this emergency doctor. Hey, what's up, everybody? It's Aaron, and it's another podcast. Welcome back to the Simply Overcoming Podcast. If you're new to the podcast, thank you for coming by, and we hope that we can add value to your life. Here on the Simply Overcoming Podcast, we believe that there is a story of overcoming behind every person. Each one of us throughout our lifetime goes through moments. We live through experiences, and we meet certain people who inevitably make us who we are. Challenges uncomfortable as they may be, afford us an incredible opportunity for learning. It's often when we lose what we have that we start to appreciate it. We appreciate our health when we have a cold, we appreciate the presence of friends, partners, and families. When we miss them, we appreciate running water, paved roads and safe streets. After visiting a country where these things don't exist, the darkest situations can bring out the greatest opportunities for kindness. They can also shape us into better people if we allow them to do so. As we move into this next episode, I want you to ponder something. What experiences have you had that affected your life? What meaning did you glean from those experiences? Was it negative? If so, what other meanings can you create from these situations today's? Guest is no exception in these matters. She is a mother and a business entrepreneur. She has raised five kids and has faced many obstacles in her life. These obstacles and trials have made her who she is today. She has been a cornerstone in my life, and without her, I would not be here today. Andrea Mum, thank you for being on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. It's highly possible that this. May I learn something new about you today, but that's okay, right? Yes. Interviewing My mother may not be the easiest task, but we'll see how this goes, right? Yes. I know. We have many things that we could talk about today, but I know you wanted to personally come on and talk about depression and working through depression through tragedy before we jump into that, though, can you just briefly explain to the listeners who you are, what you do, really? What are you most passionate about in life? So of course, I'm Andrea Rittenauer, and I live in North Idaho. I'm married and have five children. My passion in life is I'm actually a health coach, and my passion in life is to help people with their health and to help support them in their journey in life. That is my biggest goal. I know you have overcome many obstacles in your lifetime, and specifically, you wanted to talk about depression today and some of the tragedies that you have faced and overcome in your life. I'm just going to let you jump into what you wanted to talk about. And then if there's any questions that I have, I'll bring those up. Okay. That sounds good. Well, it would have been back in probably. I'm going to guess 1000 1999, and some of it I think I've blocked out of my mind because it was such a time that I don't remember all the details of it. But I remember waking up one morning and saying to my husband, I don't even want to get out of bed. I'm just so depressed. And his first response was anger because he grew up with a mom that was depressed all the time. And it was a miserable growing up with a mom like that. And so he was like, Now I'm married to someone like this, and it was very frustrating for him. But he did the best thing that he could have ever done. He contacted a friend of mine. Her name was Lorna, and Lorna had experienced a time of depression through her life as well. And so she is somebody that came into my life at that point and actually was the one that helped me so much during that dark time. The first thing she did was she gave me a book to read, and I was trying to remember what that book was. And I even reached out to her and asked her and we could not remember. But it was a book about a lady who had gone through depression, and it was very helpful for me to read through that book, because when you know that other people understand and can relate to what you're going through, it is so helpful. The other thing she did for me is she gave me a Journal, and she asked me to write down every single time. There was something that I read that was inspiring to me or helped encourage me or whatever to write it down in that Journal. I didn't write anything down for a very long time, but I finally found something because even in Scripture, I could not find anything that was encouraging to me. But one day in the year 2000. It was May of 2000. I had a scripture that I read that encouraged me, and it was a simple one. It was John 316 for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. And it's like a lot of people know that verse, and I've known it all my life. But for some reason, at that point in time, it finally penetrated my heart, and it meant something to me. So I wrote it down, and I never wrote anything more down in that Journal for a whole year, almost to the day, not realizing that I can look back now and see. It was almost to the day a year later that I finally found something again. So I imagine that time of deeper depression probably lasted about two years. And so the question would be, what brought on this depression? Well, for people out there who have never experienced depression at that level, the last thing you want to do is speak to other people. You want to lock yourself away, you want to stay in bed, but it's so important to reach out to your friends or your family. There are people out there who do care for you, who want to help you, who want to see you get through this. And the worst thing you can do is lock yourself away. And so for your husband to reach out to your friend and to have her contact you and to be able to have that connection with somebody else was just so important. If you know somebody who's going through depression, you may not understand it. But what you can do is you can reach out to them. And that's huge. Yes. And I agree with that 100%. It's like when you're in that deep, dark time, you do not feel like reaching out to anybody. So if you ever question that somebody may be going through that time, make sure to reach out to them or connect them with someone. That was definitely a great thing that took place. Anybody who has dealt with depression, some people face it for different reasons. Everybody faces depression for different reasons. And I know that the reason what brought you down that dark path was a major tragedy in your life. So talk to us a little bit about that tragedy. Yes. So in 1096, we were looking forward to another child. We already had two boys. And now we were looking forward to another child coming into our life. And our daughter was born on March 15, 1996. Bethany was a great joy. We're so excited now to have a daughter after having two sons. And we thought, this is it. This is all the children we are going to have. Now. We have two boys and a daughter. And we just loved her so much. And I can't remember the exact date. It was April, like, five weeks later, I had laid her down for a nap, and I was preparing lunch and it was time to get her up for a feeding. But I thought I'll just wait until I get lunch in the oven. She hasn't woke up, so I'll do that. And so I did. And then I went in there to her bedroom and she wasn't breathing. And of course, I just picked her up and I ran out to we have a cabinet shop, and my husband is out there working. And our employee, David. And when I ran into the shop with her, David was standing there and I said she's not breathing. And immediately he got my husband and I started CPR on her. My husband called Nine one one, and I had taken CPR years before, and it's like when you're in the moment and it's your child, you kind of like, are trying to remember what you're supposed to do. But my husband is able to talk to Nine on one, and they were refreshing my memory as I started. So we ended up with an EMT coming out and then the ambulance, and they took her to a local hospital and then ended up flying her to another hospital and another hard part at the local hospital. When we went in there and we were waiting in the emergency room, we were waiting in the waiting room while she was in emergency. The doctor came out and said to us something to the effect. It seems like she doesn't want to come back. Is there something you need to tell us? We're trying to revive her, but it seems like she doesn't want to come back. And of course, we didn't say anything, but I was blaming myself. I thought I should have gone in there earlier to get her. I let her cry herself to sleep for a nap. I shouldn't have let her cry. And all these things are running through my head that of course, I had no desire to share that with this emergency doctor. But she was flown to another hospital. And when we got to the hospital, the doctor immediately put me at ease and said, you didn't do anything wrong. It's good for babies to cry. There's nothing wrong with your milk. You go through all these different things that you think might be your fault for why things are happening. So we ended up being in the hospital for three days. I believe it was. And they had checked her brain and there was some activity. And then pretty soon there was no activity. So we had to make the decision to pull the plug. And it was a very hard decision to make. But we were grateful that the Lord was with us through all that. And it was a very difficult time. If there's somebody out there listening who has lost a child, I think they can attest to the fact that it's something that you never get over. You're never going to get over that. You can move on in life. But you're never going to get over the loss of a child no matter how old that child may have been. And so for you to face something like depression after an event like that is something that I'm not surprised about, right. And one of the things because when you think about the time we had her and lost her in 1996, and I actually didn't go through that deep depression until probably started in 1000, hundred and 99. But there were some other events that took place that I think moved me more into that direction. But one of the things that really helped me through that time of losing a child, which is another thing that can encourage other people, is when someone loses a child. A lot of times, people are like, they don't know what to do. They don't know what to say. They haven't been through it. So it's like, what do you say to a person who's lost a child? But I had a friend that called me every single day and she would just call and see, how are you doing? And just because I would not reach out to anybody during that time, I would not reach out to anybody. Yeah. Even if you're just there for them, just listening to them. It's a great help. Yeah. I think that sometimes when we go through an event like that, we just get busy in life and ignore and maybe stuff some of those feelings that are inside and not let them come out like they should. And of course, as women, we go through hormonal changes and different stuff. And so having lost her and then just a little over a year later, about a year and a half later, I had another child. And then I don't know if it was a year after that or so I had a miscarriage. So all of those things added up. I think just eventually I just couldn't handle it anymore and just kind of went down to that feeling of that really deep depression. And I don't know that I still can have that tendency. So it's not like when you start struggling with depression, that it totally goes away. But learning how to deal with that and how to work through it is what I have learned through time. And one of the things that you can do is practice cultivating a positive mental attitude in life and looking at things in a positive light, because when you are dealing with depression, it's very easy to look at everything in a negative light that having a positive mindset can help. But you're right. No matter what. If you or somebody that deals with depression, it's something that you're probably going to deal with the rest of your life. But it's learning how to work through it and move forward in that that's where there is true freedom in your life. Yes. And when I see myself kind of going that direction. I can feel it coming on a little bit. That two plus years where it was so dark for me, it's such a scary thing to think about going back there that I immediately like, I don't want to go that direction. So it helps me turn back and try to do something that's going to help me get out of that slippery slope that can take me back down. The reality is that we have more positive experiences in our life than negative ones. And that's been proven. But it's also been proven that our brains tend to focus on the negative aspects of our lives. We take the good things for granted, and we blow up all the problems. And really, as a consequence, we tend to fall prey to petty concerns and annoyances in our lives, and we let them determine our wellbeing, yes, that's very true. So trying to keep ourselves focused on the positive things, and then there's just other things you can do going out and walking, getting out in the fresh air and in nature and getting your mind away from those negatives, find something that you can do to get your mind in a different direction. Sure. Okay. So I'm just really curious from that point of dealing with depression to where you are now. You're an entrepreneur. You have a business, you work full time right along with having your own business. And so how did you go from that point of deep, dark depression to where you are today? You're a successful businesswoman and you're a successful mother. So how did that happen? That's a really hard question, because it's just taking one step at a time and choosing to listen to you can read a lot of books. And because I do work, I can't, like, read a lot of books. So I listen to books. I think keeping those positive, taking in positive things, doing things that will help you grow as a person, whether it's reading a book or listening to the book or some kind of other audio that can help you and keep your mind going in the right direction. You might be listening to other people's stories and seeing how they grew and how they made it through things. And that just helps you grow. I mean, everything we go through in life, I think, is a stepping stone in the growth process that leads us to where we go. And I hope that even for me, that I don't stop growing here. And I can't say that I can put my finger on just like the exact steps it took to get to where I am today, other than just taking one step at a time and taking those things that happen in life as stepping stones was a better future. Once you started writing things down, once you started focusing on the positive, it wasn't just all uphill or downhill from there, right? You can stumble, you can fall, you don't change overnight. If you start writing down positive things, if you start trying to focus on the positive things, chances are you are going to fail. And if you're expecting success within a week, it will not happen because it's a gradual process. And when you have focused on the negative for so long in your life, you always revert back to that. So the only way that you are going to be able to get out of this and change your mental patterns is to continue focusing on the positive, writing these things down and do not become discouraged when you backslide. Yes, and that is true. And I guess if I were to look at my Journal that my friend Laura gave me and my first entry was May of 2000. My last entry was October of 2003. So that would be that at the point of October of 2003, I was enough on the other side that I didn't feel the necessity to Journal in that particular way. So I guess that what you're asking. Yes, it was gradual. It didn't just like overnight. Now there's a switch and everything's changed. It was a gradual thing. And even still, like I said, I can go back to that. If I don't keep those positive thoughts rather than focusing on the negative, I can definitely go back to that black hole again, which I never want to do. So I may not be journaling in this particular Journal, but I still keep down. I will think about some positive things or write down in other places. I might even put something on the wall that's something positive to keep my mind focused in that direction, because otherwise I could definitely slip back to that. And it is not something you overcome overnight, and I don't know that you ever really overcome. It something you learn to deal with in such a way that you can live a more happy life. What are some positive things that came about through losing your daughter? How has it shaped you for the better in life? Well, I can say even still today I will ask the question, why? Because I don't think we'll ever know the reason why on this Earth, because it just doesn't make sense. But what can I do to take that and make it a positive? One of those things is that I have been able to help other people who have experienced similar losses, whether it's losing a child or having a miscarriage. And I have I've had people that I've reached out to and they feel comforted because they know exactly that. I understand. We had a friend that lost a child. I don't know. It was a year later. I can't remember the definite time, but all I did was I went to his house and I just put my arms around him and held him and he was comforted. I didn't even have to say anything because he knew that I understood how he felt because I'd already experienced it. And so we can take those tragedies that happen like that, and we can help other people through them. That would be the one positive is that I can help other people that experience similar things. Yeah. Another blessing that came out of the loss of our daughter, Bethany, is that at that point, we weren't going to have any more children. And after losing her, we were blessed to have two more sons and another daughter. So that has been another blessing that has come through. That tragedy is having three more wonderful children. Well, if there is anybody out there going through a situation similar to what you did, the loss of a child, a miscarriage. What is something like a last thought that you might have for those people? Words of comfort for them. I know this seems like a cliche, but I know for me I can say time does bring healing. You still always feel that loss, and it will still always be painful at times more than others. But time does heal. And so I'm thankful for time. Also, if you are somebody that believes in God, the greatest thing is that for me was that I knew he understood he gave his only son for us and that I really relied on his comfort and his love. Yeah. I don't know what else to say. I definitely would be very open to talk to anybody that is going through that to give encouragement and to help if anybody is needing some encouragement. I'd love to be there for people. So how could people reach out to you to maybe speak to you, or maybe to reach out to you to talk to you about your health coaching that you do? Okay. Well, they could just email me. It's Andrea at revitalizingyourhealth. Com. And that would be the best way for them to get a hold of me. Okay. Andrea at revitalizingyourhealth. Com. And that's your website, revitalizingyourhealth. Com. Correct. And they can visit your website and see what you do. Yeah. Well, thank you for being willing to have a conversation with me today. We've been talking about getting you on the podcast for a while now, and I know you have so many more things that you could share, and I think this is probably not the only time that we'll have you on the podcast. We might do some shorter episodes as well, but I just appreciate talking to people who can relate and be a testament to how your life can be changed through a positive mindset and setting intentions and just focusing on the positive. I think it's huge, and it's so important for us to do in our lives if we want to overcome some of these things, like depression. Yes, very true. And in our society, it's a very hard thing to do to keep ourselves our mindset positive because there's so much negative in our world today. So eliminating a person's social media and some of the news and all those different things. I try to stay away from those things. I can guarantee that would take me right back down to depression to be focused on the negative in this world today. I just can't do it. And I definitely recommend to people, not just to make sure they stay away from the negative as much as possible, because we just live with it all around us. And in order to keep a positive mindset, you really got to eliminate as much negative as possible. And we're living in a world of feelings. I don't feel like doing this. I don't feel like doing that. And unfortunately, that's the reality of our society today. And so you can't live by feelings in life. You have to do what you know will ultimately elevate you and make you a better person. Even if that's something that you don't feel like doing, like exercise, getting out and exercising, whether it's a half mile or whether it's 10 miles, I don't care. Get out and move your body. It will make you a better person, and it will change your rental health for sure. All right. Well, thank you. Once again, feel free to reach out to Andrea through her email or visit her website re Vitalizing YourHealth. Com. And until next time, thank you for joining us here on the Simply Overcoming podcast. We will speak to you guys next time. Bye bye.